Are you new to derby or just looking to brush up on your rulebook skills? Wayne Mooney is your man! This week he explains the cut-track penalty like no one else can…
Photo: Tim Stoklas
Ever since John Travolta invented the concept of standing in line, there have been rules governing how it is done, and chief among them has always been that you never, ever cut in line. Roller derby has a similar rule, but because rollergirls aren’t really the kind to stand around in an orderly fashion waiting for things to happen, they’ve come up with the brilliant addition that you can take someone else’s place by hip-checking them out of the line. Whenever a rollergirl goes out of bounds, she has to return in bounds behind anyone she was originally behind (including teammates) as well as the girl who forced her off the track in the first place. If she cuts ahead of two or more people in line, she goes to the box for “cutting a rug”. Wait, no. Excuse me. She goes to the box for “cutting the track”. That makes a lot more sense, actually. While it’s typically reserved for the thirty seconds between jams, dancing is perfectly legal at any time during a bout.
Photo: Maureen O’Mara
So what about skaters who only cut in front of a single person? Back when minor penalties were first eliminated, we had to come up with a new rule to cover that. I suggested that a timeout should be called and the skater required to perform “I’m a Little Teapot” for the audience, but no one else thought that was a good idea. Instead, it comes down to who the skater cut in front of. If it’s a teammate, nothing happens and everyone’s free to carry on about their business. But if it’s an opponent, then she’s committed a penalty and has to go to the box. I suppose this is an adequate solution, but it lacks the vision of my proposal. Truly, I am unappreciated in my own time, and my ideas are as pearls before swine. Nay, they are as bacon before oysters. But one day the world will recognize my truly immense genius, and derby bouts the world over will be filled with rollergirls tipping over and pouring out.
